


Cry

by arvylee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confession, Crying, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, POV First Person, Smoking, Toxic Relationship, intimate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 16:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16043840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arvylee/pseuds/arvylee
Summary: Baekhyun's point of view as he explores through the odd relationship he has with Kyungsoo.





	Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first post on this site, and on this fandom, and this might not be the best but I hope you enjoy it overall!

" _Breathe_." I take the cigarette out of Kyungsoo's mouth, and as I do so, he blows smoke out on my face. I inhale the toxic gas into my lungs, wanting to taste a bit of the cancer stick he is in love with. He loves killing himself more than he loves me.

Kyungsoo winces at the sight of me straddling his legs, making myself comfortable on his lap as I throw away the cancer stick somewhere in the room. "Get off me, ugly," he buries his nails into my wrists, and I hiss at the pain, but I don't want to let go. This is the only form of skin ship I can ever receive from him. Even if his intentions are to hurt me, I can only feel bliss.

"I want you to be with me tonight." I whisper, my lips pressed onto his collarbones as he shudders from my hot breath tickling his skin, and I know very well this request of mine would probably be never fulfilled. He lets go of my wrists, marks of blood left on my skin, his nails sharp as ever. But I feel loved.

He pulls the covers over us, and his bed squeaks with every movement made, telling us that it's old and worn out. I can feel how tired his bed is beneath us, yet I feel very alive here, with Kyungsoo. I snuggle closer, and I sigh in relief as he does nothing to push me away. Maybe he is as content as I am tonight.

"You threw away the last one I had. I was running out of stock." Kyungsoo says onto my hair, but he doesn't hold me even when I have my arms wrapped around him. He let his arms rest on his sides, and I feel a little sad, but being with him in this closeness is enough. He loves me enough like this, with me being the only one feeding love into our relationship.

I move my hands to rest on his waist, and I sigh onto his beer stained shirt. "You shouldn't have any more of those." I say, "Stop destroying yourself."

"Who do you think you are?" I stay silent. It would be too selfish of me to answer his question. He leaves silence hanging for a bit too long after that, so instead I say,

"If I didn't care for you, who would? Who would care for you?" Kyungsoo pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders, pinning me against the bed as he straddles my legs and finally sit on top of me, resting his whole weight onto me, then he whispers, "I never asked you to."

And that, I know so well.

I knew from the start what I was getting myself into. Yet, I pushed.

"You love me." he chuckles, and I didn't miss the glint of mischievousness in his eyes despite the so little light source in the room. I wince at the words rolling on his tongue, spilling out of his mouth, bitter and sour as he repeats, "You love me." I let out a shuddered breath. "I do."

The smug grin on Kyungsoo's face is replaced with a frown after I said that, and he trails a finger down my abdomen. "That's sad." he says as he looks into my eyes, and I can see him so well even when it's so dark.

He glows like the moon that is spilling light into the bedroom even through the thick curtains. He's so beautiful like this, with his wet hair sticking onto his forehead, and his cheeks flushed red because of the cold weather. His eyes bright and gleamy, and his lips moist and a perfect shade of pink despite never wearing any lip gloss. I think Kyungsoo is so pretty and I want to hold him.

"Do you love me?" I choke out. Kyungsoo's fingers stop trailing further down, and I let him stare into my fragile form. He becomes tense, and his fingers start digging into my stomach but I don't dare moan at the pain - I try to gaze back into him but it always seemed like he has a border over himself. I can't look into him. He leans down closer until our faces are only inches apart, but he doesn't continue until our faces mesh together. He just keeps himself there in a safe distance as he continues to stare into my eyes.

Slowly, his gaze turns into a fond one. I lift my arms and try to hold him, but then he pulls back. Then he says, "What if I do?"

And after what seemed like a million years, I pull him closer and this time, he doesn't pull away. I let our bodies, breath, mind and soul collide as I hold him tight, so tight that it's hard to breathe, but all of this feels so good. The breath caught in my throat feels so good. It's so good to finally feel the warmth radiating, the feelings unraveling and the muscles in my body to finally, relax. The love is evaporating from our bodies and the room fills with contentment. I press my lips onto his forehead,

"I want to be the one thing that kills you. I want you to love me so bad that it hurts both physically and mentally that it makes you want to rip the skin out of your face. I want you to love me so awfully that one day, if we ever separate and you find someone new, I'll be the only thing you can feel when you're holding them. I want you to love me so, so terribly that you cry at the sight of my body because you are so in love. I want you to love me so endlessly that I will be engraved into your heart even until you cease to exist. I want you to love me." All of this is said in between exchanged breaths, and at this moment Kyungsoo is panting. Tears are streaming down my face and it all feels so hot, so hot and so intense. I never thought it was possible to possess feelings this intense. But I have fallen way too deep to ever erase those feelings, and I didn't think I could, but I fell in love even deeper as he held me onto himself like I'm gonna run away. After all this, it's impossible to run away from you.

A breath and, "I already do." and I start to cry.


End file.
